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Author Jay Lake passed away this morning.
When I read the news, I wept. I am teary even now writing this. Jay and I didn't know one another well; we had only met and talked three times, I believe. But he left a lasting impression on me that I will forever carry.
I last saw Jay at Norwescon 2013. Author Terry Brooks and I were sitting in the restaurant at the hotel that hosts the Seattle convention. We were getting lunch and talking about panels and readers and his schedule and what he was writing. It was normal conversation for us. And in walked Jay Lake. Surrounded by friends, as usual. I caught his eye and, leaving his friends to find seats, he walked over. He shook my hand. We said hello to one another. "It's been too long." Etc. I introduced Jay to Terry and they shook hands. Polite pleasantries exchanged. I offered Jay a seat and he took it.
At that point, I had not heard of his terminal diagnosis. He told me and Terry then. It was like being punched in the soul. Worse for him, having to say the words out loud. He saw my reaction. It was undoubtedly a reaction he had dealt with many times. He knew of my previous cancer diagnoses, my own battles. And we talked. Without walls.
It was a poignant conversation. I will never forget it. Jay talked at length about his condition, what time frames he was dealing with, what options he had before him. Over the years, he had been very open online about his battle. But seeing his openness in person—how he was so able to lay bare the hundreds of emotions swirling inside of him—told me more about the man than any conversation ever could.
I will never forget his eyes during that meeting. I saw courage in those eyes. And fear. And rage. And a man possessed of knowing more about himself than anyone I had ever met.
A week later, I wrote him and asked if he'd like to contribute a quote for the beginning of Unfettered. The anthology in many ways was created to defy cancer. And who knew better about defying cancer than Jay? I knew that he was in the midst of writing a new book and I didn't want to press him for an entire short story.
He was gracious enough to take precious time and send me the quote below:
"What are years to me? Like pain, they pass unnoticed." -- Jay LakeWe all noticed the pain, Jay. But in noticing, we also took other parts of you. The goodness. The wit. The laugh. The kindness. The optimism. The absolute courage, bravery, and fortitude. The very essence of breathing every day and making that day the best it can be. You enriched our lives, Jay, directly and indirectly, and it is that legacy we will carry for you. My thoughts go out to his family and friends. The world is a lesser place for Jay's passing. He was a good man. A great father. He was an amazing writer. Let's make sure his stories live on. He was one of those stars in the darkest firmament of night that shined brightest. But he was more than that. He was inspiration incarnate for all of us.
